Will returns! Speaking of returns, The X-Files are coming back in January. Call it a revival, call it a reboot, call it a “six episode event”, or call a pup a pup and just call it Season 10. People are excited. So am I. Woof woof!
I want to believe that The X-Files revival will not suck (see what I did there?).
Rewatched the whole bag lately — nine years worth of shows and two movies. I watched so much X-Files that I saw UFOs swirling in my morning coffee and started to nurse suspicions that my son’s gym teacher was actually a liver eating mutant. Watch that much stuff and you either end up with the synapses of a boiled potato or you are blessed with a few insights. Having already suffered enough brain damage I got the insights. More about those later.
Back during the show’s original run … those bygone days when the women were women, the men cried like women, and both wore plenty of flannel …you would have had the synapses of a boiled potato if you hadn’t caught on to the fact that Special Agent Fox Mulder was the antithesis of everything we’d come to know about the hero cop character at the time. He was eccentric and weird, sure. But what made him so unique?
Well, he was sort of a loser.
And a glorious one at that. Mulder illustrated that being a loser wasn’t so bad, could be pretty darn heroic even given the circumstances. So, in honor of the return of The X-Files hang out and help me pay tribute to the loserly qualities of the ill-named Fox Mulder and how he makes that shit GQ. The truth is out there!
He Never Accomplishes Anything.
For nine long years (plus change now) Mulder was driven to discover the truth about alien life and expose their shadowy plot with a bunch of chain smoking old guys. Along the way Mulder throws down with UFOs, aliens, oily aliens, shape changing aliens, gets abducted, encounters clones, and his long missing sister (2 or 3 times). Despite all of this he never gets one shred of tangible proof.
During every other conspiracy themed episode the old guys would meet up and discuss the “problems” with Agent Mulder —- much like old nuns would discuss the problems with Maria (only with less cute). How the guy is a problem exactly is the biggest lingering mystery from the series. The dude just doesn’t get anywhere.
Mulder is no better as a cop than he is a whistle blower. Outside of taking out a few mutants here and there, he never scores many arrests. He’s always in trouble with his superiors and eventually manages to get his ass fired. Mulder is just horrible at his job.
However, Mulder never gives up. He keeps driving forward and seldom wallows in defeat. He also manages to do it without succumbing to his peers highly negative attitudes and maintains a sense of honor. Mulder proves that winning the fight isn’t so important but sometimes just managing to fight on is a victory in itself. Not bad for a guy nicknamed Spooky.
He Never Gets The Girl.
For all the years we know him, Mulder’s most important relationship is with Dana Scully —- agent, MD, resident sceptic. We know that they became romantically entangled at some point, and we know that when the revival hits they are no longer together.
It’s not surprising that Mulder and Scully have gone their separate ways. His track record with women rivals my own and I have warning posters about dating me frequently published in Cosmopolitan. A sociopathic British detective, post Tom Cruise Mimi Rogers, a vampire chick, and his own mother doesn’t seem to like him much —- Mulder has an Abysmal history with the opposite sex.
His closest relationship remains with Scully. In spite of their ups and downs the two still remain intertwined. Mulder is not cynical or vindictive with Scully due to his past. And even though they are not together now, obviously they still maintain the ability to be around each other. Mulder manages to acknowledge a higher power than his own wants and desires and that ain’t bad. Any emotional baggage he’s incurred from his rocky past relationships have not slowed him down. More power to Spooky.
He Can’t Beat A Wet Paper Bag In A Fight
For someone who has been trained to defend himself and others with terminal intensity, Mulder seems unable to come out on top during a fight. There are some exceptions, of course. For example he’s able to kick Alex Krycek around with impunity… proving the old adage that there is always a wuss bigger than yourself.
Mulder frequently gets jumped, drops his weapon, fails to catch fleeing subjects, gets outshot by his partner Scully— who also is frequently called in to pull his bacon out of the fryer— and generally is all thumbs when it comes to offense or defense.
He may be the world’s punching bag but Mulder also refuses to back down. In a fifth season episode he savagely goes at a doctor withholding secrets that can save a young child’s life. He stakes vampires, fights shape shifting alien bounty hunters, and routinely stands up to men who could have his entire existence erased. He is more than willing to put his life on the line for Scully and strangers.
Spooky may be a wuss but he has guts and guts are enough.
One hears the statement “faith of a child” and it most definitely can be used to describe Mulder. He might want to believe but he actually believes in everything.
Aliens, yep. Monsters, yep. Ghosts, yep. Psychic mumbo jumbo, check. Mulder would probably help a kid set a trap for Santa in an effort to prove his existence. If somebody told him trolls lived under the Brooklyn Bridge he would have to go and check that out.
Mulder is the type of guy who opens case files based on Weekly World News articles. He’s the kind of person who checks out mushroom stools just in case he might spot some smurfs. He also believes Elvis is still alive.
Anybody could sell Mulder any kind of poor quality alien autopsy tape but when it comes to paranormal occurrences he’s actually mostly right (just don’t expect a lot of hard evidence to share with the rest of the world). There are times when Mulder even outbrains Scully— the resident brains of the team. He might believe in fairies but spooky is no dumbass.
Mulder is such a wiseass that there are probably times when he would smack himself. Mulder’s quips range from the highly developed to the assinely juvenile. At times they border on sexual harassment (I.E. “hey Scully, does this boyish display of agility turn you on?”).
Mulder seems completely incapable off following even the most simple rules despite the fact he is employed by an agency with a well-developed structure of rules. At times it seems like he is begging to be fired and that is what eventually happened.
There are also the times he fires off completely appropriate zingers and toys with arrogant peers who refuse to take him seriously. There are times when the rules are supposed to be broken — and Mulder refuses to cater to the s.q. when he knows he’s right or if it’s a matter of justice.
Spooky stands up for what’s right. He might be a dick but if more dicks did that very thing then the world would be a lot better off. And if more losers lost with as much grace, passion and integrity as Agent Mulder, there would be less pain and bad feelings to spread around.
That’s just my take on it anyway.