Okay. Let’s talk about spin-offs. Let’s talk about how they sometimes make William a cranky bear. As those not living on a desert island know, AMC has been airing a spin-off (or companion piece, if thou art high-falootin’) of a certain beloved show. It’s called Fear The Walking Dead. In my own humble opinion, worth a nickle but still wholly sharable, most reviews for the thing have been overly generous.
Overly overly generous.
Since I’m cranky I shall rant. If Fear The Walking Dead is your favorite show then I apologize for being old and cranky in advance (not really meaning it but in the diplomatic spirit). What follows is five points of suckatude.
IT’S A PREQUEL. And prequels fricking suck. Star Wars I-III are good examples of why some stories should remain untold. Only one prequel that I know of is good, The Godfather Part II, and it had to have a sequel wrapped around it.
Do we really need to see civilization collapse in order to better understand The Walking Dead? And since you already know the outcome what’s the point? By the way, a prequel to The Walking Dead already exists. It’s called George Romero’s Dawn of the Dead. Check it and the other Romero Dead films out to see where these guys steal 90 percent of their ideas from.
But cranky guy, you might say, this show is about seeing all this zombie apocalypse prequel stuff going down through the eyes of the characters. Speaking of the characters…
CHRIST, I HATE THESE PEOPLE! What does a high school guidance counselor, a high school teacher, their horrid children and a handful of secondary characters I can’t remember all have in common?
Answer: they annoy me!
I’m the first to admit that there have been characters on the parent show who have annoyed me and characters I have also despised outright. However, never before have I experienced a show in which I want to see the entire cast bite the bullet. I think that’s why I’ve held on with watching this far — to see those bozos go down in flames and gleefully laugh and twirl my moustache as they do so. But those evil wankers at AMC keep teasing me. The characters just keep prattling on, stumbling around, being stupid and … not … DYING.
I’ve read why they possess so many mannerisms that make me want to see them devoured, shot, stabbed and burned at the stake. It’s because zombies and the ravenous undead never existed in the myths and popular culture of the Walking Dead universe. Good grief! That’s just…
LAZY WRITING. In Stephen King’s Salem’s Lot, vampires take over a small New England town. In that story, people are familiar with vampires. Dracula, EC comic books, and horror films are all refrenced by characters at various points in the book. The point is that King never said “Ah! People will do dumb things because the word vampire and the concept does not exist in this fictional world! I am brilliant!”
Rather than just dealing with something most viewers probably aren’t overly concerned with in the first place, the FTWD writers simply take a scapel to common sense and to what end? So I can see people behaving like imbeciles during a crisis situation? Well, guess what FTWD scribes, I’ve seen that sort of thing in real life without having to subscribe to digital cable. And most of the time you and everybody else sitting by the swimming pool sipping margaritas and spinning cardboard plot wheels get that stuff wrong!
Now, since we’re on the subject of lazy writing…
IT’S JUST TOUCHING ON THEMES ALREADY ESTABLISHED IN THE PARENT SHOW. The living are worse than the dead. Wash, rinse, repeat. The living are worse than the dead.
Dudes, we get it. I promise we all understand. After five years of The Walking Dead everybody is well-aware that the peoples are bigger dicks than the undead (who are kind of pitiful and who might make good house pets if they didn’t have the bad habit of chomping down on you). Do we really need six additional hours of tube to be followed by 15 additional hours of tube plus to further hammer the point home?
A one-trick pony is cute because its a pony. It’s still a one trick pony. Here is a novel idea, a new theme! I’m sure it’s on that plot wheel somewhere. It might be somewhere between Annoying Characters Get To Live and Night of the Living Dead Was Never Made. Spin that sucker! You might find it.
Now that we’ve all got a handle on that whole living is worse than the dead thing here is a shocker…
THE MILITARY ARE THE BAD GUYS (I KNOW. WE NEVER SAW THAT COMING). I’m not against the Army playing the heavies per say. There are good and bad in the military just as it exists in any other sector of life. Some good stories have been born out of exploring that concept. After awhile that sort of thing can get grossily offensive though if you wear or have ever worn a uniform.
Just to 4-1-1 y’all there are some people wearing uniforms who wouldn’t play along with herding innocent civilians behind fences, killing innocents, and pushing hidden agendas. Sadly, such has happened in real life as we all know. That doesn’t mean every man and woman in uniform is the equivalent of a jackbooted thug. Not to mention the fact that having the military as the baddies is the easiest and most obvious thing to do (refer to point 3).
Math was never my subject but let’s do the Recap Formula, shall we? Prequel+Characters I Hate +Lazy Writing+More of the Same Stuff+The Obvious and the Cliche= Doing Something Else on Sunday Night.
I should be thankful, really. I watch too much damn TV anyway.